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Freaked about the economy. 55,000 jobs were lost yesterday alone. Yikes! I hope Dust and my jobs are safe…he works for a pretty secure company but that is obviously no guarantee. I’m feeling okay about my job right now, but the industry is a volatile one. I want to be dreamy, continue working toward my goals, but I can’t shake the grim feeling I have about the world’s ever sinking recession. I always thought I would live through an economic depression. I just figured. I guess that’s the maudlin in me.
All I need is a shining star of hope, for all of us.

Car at the shop. Quote is for $3300.00. Ugh. Seriously? What to do…what to do…

The three day weekend was sooo needed. Helped me decompress from the shitty week I had last week. Today my boss talked to me. She said everything I needed her to say in order to feel better about the ‘situation.’ So that’s good, at least.

Meadow and I had a fun play date yesterday and 3 of her friends came over and our neighbor’s kid played all afternoon. That was cute.

I’m dreaming of a vacation and winning the lottery. But hey, who isn’t.

Oh, yeah. One more thing. Some really cool optimistic and pragmatic guy took some kind of oath in front of a bunch of people today. We got to watch it in the Big Room at work on projection screens. I thought that was pretty rad. I think this guy has some pretty neato ideas and stuff.

/end understatement mode.

Today was full of drama and stress. Work shouldn’t be so dramatic. I feel wiped out. My body was physically shaking and I tried not to cry. I think some people are just mean. I shouldn’t care. I don’t go to work for drama. Leave it at home ppl.

I haven’t posted in FOREVER!!! Or, more like a month. Inundated with snow and holidays, I have been too busy and flitty to consider posting. I’m too busy at work right now, but I love my procrastinating. Blogging is so much more fun than year end closing activities at work!
The holidays were great. Meadow had a blast. We were stuck in the snow for a while. Last weekend we went ice skating twice and tubing up at Snoqualmie. That’s about the gist of it.
I started a new blog about something we’re praying for. I’m not sure if I want to make it public yet or not, because so far it hasn’t been a record of anything exciting. Hopefully soon. Let me know if you want pre-release rights to view the other blog.
Well, I must go. Work calls and I reluctantly answer its beckon.

So my company’s stock is below $5. The worldwide markets are panicking. I feel like throwing up. I’m scared about one of us losing our jobs. HR and Finance have been having meetings. Does that mean adjustments to our benefits? More than likely. I should follow the Dooce rule of not blogging about work, so here I’ll stop on that sort of detail. Anyway, I’m nervous. I’m angry. I’m not hopeful about politics. It should have been Hilary. Obama is alright, I suppose, because his platform is really close to my opinions. But….I don’t have the same excitement for him. He seems like maybe a lot of hype. I don’t know how much change he’ll be able to exert. At least he will be trying to change things in the direction I want, which can’t hurt. Hopefully.
Gloom doom gloom doom.
I want to think it will get better. That we are the great US of A. We can’t possibly fail. But countries much younger than ours have failed. And yes, the ever referenced Rome failed as well. You know why? Primarily it was due to the disparity between the rich and the poor. Yes, Rome had some sackings. But lacked the resilience to overcome its attacks because the poor plebes and aristocrats were so far removed both socially and economically. Then I consider my peers, our middle class, and in comparison the golden parachutes and million dollar salaries of CEOs and other wall street crooks.

Anything is possible.

This morning I cruised into Wired Nick’s Espresso on Bothell Way, even though I knew it would make me late for work. I was exhausted from staying up too late, and it was double stamp day! (Can’t miss that!)

I thought their special was a coconut latte, and the gal ran out to check.

“Nope. It’s caramel,” she said.

Hm..”I’ll just get a sugar free vanilla, with nonfat milk. 3 shots, please, and only half the syrup,” I ordered.

After she made and I paid for the latte, double stamps in hand, I drove away. And then I smelled it. The daffy gal gave me a caramel latte anyway! Oh no!

But you know what, it was really good. Now I think I like caramel flavored lattes again. It’s been years.

What a fascinating, riveting story, eh? 😉

Sometimes I feel vastly misunderstood, even by some of the people closest to me. I don’t know if it’s because much of the time, I don’t understand myself and they pick up on it? Mostly, I feel pretty confident in my skin, so I’m not sure…Maybe sometimes I come off as too confident, and not as vulnerable and needy as I really feel.

It’s so odd to wake up in August, look out the window, and believe it to be Autumn. While I enjoy the Fall, I’m just not ready. I need some more time with the sun and heat to take with me into the hibernating months.

I dislike duplicitous people. I am dealing with one at work. This person is very happy happy face to face, but strikes with poison when their supervisor is involved. This person tries to deflect valid culpability by attempting to blame others. It reminds me that I still have a pretty thin skin.

I want to reach out more. I don’t know if it’s my personality holding things back, or if others don’t care. I’ve learned the world doesn’t revolve around me, long ago. But I put so much effort in emotionally that I’m surprised it’s not reciprocated more often. I guess that brings me back to point number one, and why I sometimes feel like a pariah.

Just another day where my mind is wandering, rather than focusing on the work I have at my desk. Thankfully, I’ve been pretty slow these last couple weeks at work, and I am trying to enjoy it. I know that things will blow up toward the end of the year. I need to enjoy my slack right now. The trouble is, it makes the days just…tick…by….. whew!

The weekend was good, and we missed our Meadow. We felt like old people, doing nothing of too much excitement. I went to a good friend’s baby shower, which was actually immensely enjoyable. We preceded the shower with pedicures and coffee, which was quite a treat! At the shower, aside from enjoying the lovely party her mom put on, I gleaned two pieces of interesting gossip.

First, the funny. Our 10th High School reunion was last week. My friend and I kept going back and forth on if we should attend or not, and we decided on the latter. And thank goodness. Apparently, it was ridiculously overpriced, they had NO food, overpriced drinks, and overly drunk alumni that stole whiskey and got into fights. Needless to say, the Lynnwood Police came to shut down the party at 11:30pm. The bar was already closed by the hotel staff at 9pm for “punishment” of bad behavior. Gee, really wish I could have made it…. 😛

Second, the sad. I learned that a former classmate of mine, my same age, is battling aggressive cancer. It sounds like she might not be winning. Although I wasn’t a very close friend of hers in school, we would always exchange smiles. I always thought of her as one of the kindest, sweetest people I knew. I wish her the best, and buko strength to see her through this.

The remainder of the weekend was filled with dining, cleaning, gardening, and resting.

And lots of huggles, wrestles, and tickles when Miss M came home. 🙂

Something isn’t quite right. I’m not sure what it is yet, but I don’t think the status quo can continue rolling along. I’m starting to smell the winds of change. I feel stymied. I don’t know what to do. I feel that I am not doing a good enough job at being a mother, wife, friend, or myself. Time time time I scream I need more. I can’t do anything. I have no time, no energy, no will. Something needs to happen. There is a certain joy that is missing, that we had just a few months ago. I feel like the bottom is falling out of what seemed like it would last for another year or two, until our planned change. I’m wondering if it needs to happen sooner. I’m really starting to feel a pull that my life needs to be spent in a more productive way and more dedicated to my family. I feel like I am the weak link. I’m not good enough, can’t do enough. I’m afraid I’m letting people down.

Here comes the guilt, again.

Concentration is not my friend today. It’s beautiful outside. It’s Friday. My workload is under control at work. I was grooving out to some Erykah Badu and Rusted Root on my drive to work, over Lake Washington’s beautiful blue waters! Ahhh…. nice day. I’m looking forward to a Friday Party at work on the deck, and some of my dearest friends’ company later this evening.

I’m so happy it’s finally SUMMER!!!!

Flickr Photos